I'm not up because I'm rested and ready to go for the day. I'm not up because I'm ready to go for my morning run, gym session, or even wanting to meditate. I'm up because I simply can't sleep. Well, I can't sleep past 3. Call it hormones, call it cortisol spikes, or call it that fight or flight response. Whatever. I simply can't sleep. But I think I'm going to just stop calling it anything and just let it be. The thing is that this wasn't always a thing. And sometimes I think that we get "woken up" in the middle of the night as a calling to do something in the hours while others lay in slumber.....unconscious to what you're up to. Perhaps this is my hour of creativity. It's true that I have not been on my game for quite some time. I've been tending to some health issues that have distracted me from my real work here.....which is THIS!! My clicking away on the keyboard, studying my work, and putting it out there. Perhaps this is why I wake up at 3 am--because this is my hour of creativity. There have been things that I have wanted to do for quite some time. I feel that because I have denied myself of this "work," that I have had some significant set backs. I know I'm not the only one. Hardly.
The thing that I didn't pay attention to was how not doing my work, my real work, has created a blockage in my beingness. Not paying attention to what our true purpose and what our life's work is, whether we be man, woman, or wild beast, creates a blockage in our bodies. And that can affect us physically on a level that we are unaware of. So if there is an issue that has been plaguing the body with no release while addressing the physical aspects, perhaps we are pulling the wrong release hatch and need to come at this at a different angle. Perhaps this is why my body says wake up at a time that is inconvenient to my mind, but therapeutic to my soul, my being, my spirit. I have been looking at my life and how I want it to unfold in ways that I have never seen it before. And it's time to get back to work. To my real work. To the work that brings this mind, this body, and this spirit back into alignment.
When you are awakened in the wee hours of the night, and nothing else works to help you sleep, consider the possibility that there is something on a very deep level that you're meant to be doing at that time. This is not to say do not address your physical health. Yes, get yourself checked. Especially you women.....get those hormones checked. Look into what you are eating, drinking, and consuming on all levels. What's your lifestyle like. But remember that there is more to the picture. I see, for myself anyway, that I have been trying to keep up with who I was vs whom I am becoming. And more importantly accepting who I am.. I see that I have tried to fix myself on a plane that I can no longer work with. I've ignored what really matters, my emotional wellbeing, and focused solely on the physical. And for that, more of the physical showed up for me.
I have always prided myself on being one who takes the highest level of care for myself. But I didn't realize how I neglected other aspects of my life. I didn't realize that the work I was doing, the diet I was eating, the extensive training I was participating in was depleting me in every way and drying out my unctuous spirit. Today I breathe. Today I allow. Today I work.
It's time to get back to work.....and it's not the work that I used to do. Perhaps that will be a part of it. But today, I work with my SELF.....with my SOUL.....with my SPIRIT!!
This is why I wake at 3 am. This is my work!